An electrician dies in his sleep one night and goes straight to hell. It
doesn't take long for him to become totally pissed off about hell's intense
heat so straightaway he begins making improvements. In no time at all, hell
is air conditioned with ice cream machines, Slurpees, ice skating rinks, and
has snow machines along with underground snow skiing, not to mention ice
cold beer on tap. Soon he's the most popular guy in hell, and everyone's
buying him a beer!

God hears the news of hell freezing over and calls Satan demanding to know
what the hell is going on down there? Satan tells him,"Oh, things are
great. We've got AC, snow, and it feels like the North Pole and everybody
now is happy, thanks to the electrician you sent us."

"Something has gone terribly wrong. Send him back here immediately. He
wasn't supposed to go to hell," said God.

Satan says,"Sorry, no way. He's mine now. We've never had it so good down
here & I'm keeping him."

"You'd better send him back this instant, or I'm going to sue you!" yells
God, who's become quite angry.

Satan only laughs, saying,"Yeah, right, and just where are you going to get
yourself a lawyer?"

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?”.

“Sure do,” replied the bartender.

“Good,” said the man. “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my ‘gator.”

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said,"I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"

St. Peter replied,"Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

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Q: How many lawyer jokes are there? A: Only three. The rest are true ...

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

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How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, he'll have the paralegal do it. That way it will only cost $75 an hour.

What do you get if you cross a lawyer, engineer in Greece?

This:

What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight. __{{emoticon}}__ __{{emoticon}}__ __{{emoticon}}__

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said"I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.""That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer,"I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused.

"How do you start a flood?", he asked.

"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.

"My dear woman," Darrow replied,"ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question." __{{emoticon}}__